Father's Day

Nate had never really held a baby.

Babies made him nervous so he always preferred to let me hold while he watched.

For not really being a 'baby person,' Nate is an amazing daddy to our Addy.

He was a natural with Addy and it was pretty incredible to watch his love.

 

He wrapped her up in his arms. 

He read to her like it is something he has done many times before. 

And, he loves her with a love that I don't think he knew he was capable of. 

 

Happy first Father's Day Nate.
I know the emptiness and longing you are feeling today.

But through the pain, I hope you know that your role as a daddy 
will never be forgotten. 

 

There is no doubt that she knows your love.

12 Weeks

It is Tuesday.

I dislike Tuesdays.

 I might even go so far as to say that I hate Tuesdays.

Every Tuesday, I wake up to the realization that one more week has lapsed.

I find myself getting lost in the thoughts of what should be as a way to mask life as I currently know it.

Today, my precious Addalyn would be 12 weeks old.

This should have been her first week at daycare and my first week back at work. 
I should be shedding tears on my commute as I leave my precious little one with someone else for the very first time. Instead, I shed tears over what will never be.

What would her laugh sound like? 
Would she look more like Nate or more like me?
Would she be sleeping through the night or still waking every few hours?
 Would she...would she...would she...I will never know.

To the moon and back...forever.

Miracles

It is a miracle that babies are born healthy everyday.

Those were the words of our OB when we went in for our very first OB appointment at 8 weeks. Long before our world was rocked at our 12 week appointment, my OB left us with those words after seeing little Addy's heart beating for the very first time. While only the size of a bean, she was perfect...she was a miracle.

I love my hubby, we have good jobs, and a home.
I was healthy and was diligent about taking my prenatal vitamin every morning.

I avoided lunch meat, hotdogs, and my beloved diet coke.

I turned down the water temperature when I showered and avoided taking baths.

I did everything every book ever said to do when pregnant.

She was planned for, she was prepared for, and she was wanted.

Why would I expect anything but to have a healthy baby?

It truly is a miracle that babies are born healthy everyday.

We have not one but two sets of very dear friends who have recently experienced miscarriages. While our stories are different, my heart aches for them and the pain that life has handed them. Why is it that you can do everything right yet everything can go so wrong?

Momma's Day

My first Momma's Day came and went. 

To explain how my heart felt would be impossible.

But, I was not forgotten. 

I was touched by the number of messages that I received.

And, I was blessed to spend the day with my momma.

Her love never fades. She is a pretty special lady and I am so thankful for her.

Happy Mother's Day to my momma...I love her dearly.

Back to Work...

I work with very compassionate people but going back weighed heavy on my heart. 
Being home for the past 7 weeks, I have been able to hide. I can look at Addy's pictures when I need to,  I can cuddle with her luvie when I need to,  I can cry when I need to, I can scream when I need to...I can simply grieve on my own terms. 

Going back to work means that life keeps going. 
Reintegrating is inevitable, but it was a difficult reality for me to face. 
Life just goes on, whether I am ready or not. 

I allowed myself the month of April to simply exist, but the time has come to reintegrate and face life again. My heart still aches and my spirit still hurts, but it will forever more because my Addy will always be missing. 

Tuesday was my first day back at work and the hardest part was walking through the door. During my pregnancy, my drive to and from work was my time with Addy. We were alone and I would tell her whatever was on my heart. Yesterday, I was all alone on my drive and as I walked into the hospital, I could feel the lump in my throat and the pounding of my anxious heart. I opened the door to our office and saw my co-workers. I cried, life just simply goes on. They hugged me, held me, and welcomed me. It is such a blessing to work with people who truly care.

And, as if being surrounded by really great co-workers was not enough to lift my spirit, these pretty little Toms and a couple other gifts and cards were waiting for me. How could you not smile at such a bright and cheery sight?

I made it through the door and with the support of my co-workers, 

I made it through my first day back. 

I feel accomplished, go me! 

 

Keeping It Real...

Sometimes you just have to keep it real...

I try to stay positive and reflect on the blessings of our journey...my hubs, the love and support from our family and friends, our wonderful OB and the delivery nurses, Alexandra's House, our time with Addy, that Emily was able to delay her start date at her new job to be home with me during the month of April, and the list could go on. I remind myself, like the grief books say, that I am going to be ok. I truly am grateful but sometimes life is just difficult and the pain in my weary heart burns just a little bit more.

My tears and I made it through my postpartum appointment on Wednesday but it has hard. The office is full of pamplets and posters with "Tips For Making Breastfeeding Easier" and "Ways to Bond With Your Baby." There are pregnant momma's glowing as they wait for their appointments and new momma's lugging in car seats filled with a bundle of joy adorning the waiting room. And then there is me. Why me? Why couldn't Addy's prognosis be different.

Feeling accomplished that I survived the appointment, my spirit was dampened after going to the mailbox when I returned home. I was greeted by a bill from the hospital for several thousand dollars with a note attached stating that my insurance denied our claims and we would need to pay out of pocket. In all our planning, I was very meticulous about verifying our coverage every step of the way so I called the insurance company for clarification. After explaining the bill, I realized that the hospital billed the insurance company on behalf of "Addalyn Lane Voigt." It never dawned on me to add Addy to our insurance policy but Addy had a few x-rays and a skeletal survey after she was born so the hospital submitted the claim to the insurance company. This momma just wants to know why our precious Addy had such a sad prognosis, not because it would make the hurt less but because without knowing why, we don't know that we would ever get pregnant again. Walking Addy's journey was hard but we went at it blind, not truly ever knowing what was ahead for the love of our daughter. Walking the road a second time knowing what was ahead seems impossible. Thus, at the recommendation of the genetics team, we did a couple of noninvasive tests after her birth in hopes to get answers (that is a post for another time). The insurance company said it would be fairly easy to add Addy to our coverage and cover the claims until they realized that she was born over 30 days ago. I had no idea I needed to add her to our plan and certainly didn't know that it had to be within 30 days of her birth. The rep from the insurance company was very nice and tried to console my tears. A few more phone calls requiring me to explain Addy's journey to a few more people and I was assured that the insurance company would follow up with the hospital to reexamine the claims.

As if that conversation was not enough, Thursday brought more. My manager has been so wonderful over the course of the past 9 months, allowing me to take the time I needed away from work. She is being very flexible with my return to work as a pediatric nurse which has been such a blessing. I guess that technically my return to work date per my short term disability company was Monday. They approved me for taking 6 weeks so that I could physically heal from the delivery. I assumed that I could take 6 additional weeks of leave (although I was not planning to stay home for another 6 weeks) under FMLA. After a call to the company, I learned that my time off coverage ended on Monday. When I inquired why my coworkers were covered to stay home for 12 weeks after having their babies, I learned that like me they were given 6 weeks to physically recover and the second 6 weeks were given to them to "have time to bond with their babies." Since I "don't have a medical need to stay home or a baby at home to bond with, I should have returned to work after 6 weeks." The hole in my heart got a little deeper as he continued to explain the policy. The rep gave me a few other options and again with a few more phone calls each requiring me to tell Addy's journey, in the end it will be fine. Nonetheless, I certainly think that a broken heart from the passing of my beloved daughter should constitute a medical need to extend my leave. Thankfully my manager understands that 6 weeks was just not enough time for me and has allowed me to do what is best for me in terms of my return to work date.

Having a very heavy heart from the unexpected things I have had to deal with this week, I went to the mailbox today and found this...

My dear friend Casie, who has been my "phone a friend" lifeline over the past 6 weeks had told me it would come in the mail one day. Casie welcomed her precious son a few weeks before Addy so she has been my postpartum guide. I am so grateful for such a supportive friend, she read my very first pregnancy test for me and since she has faithfully followed our journey. Despite Casie telling me that Addy's social security card would come in the mail, getting this little piece of paper stung. The line on the top states, "Do not sign until 18 or your first job, whichever comes first." That line brought me to tears. 

My Addy's card will never get signed. 

It has been a hard week with unexpected things that have had to be dealt with. 

In due time, I know these bumps in the road will pass but right now, life seems like a mountain and I have very little strength to climb.

Postpartum Appointment

Today was my 6 week postpartum appointment. 

I will give you one guess of what happened while I was there...

Waiting in the waiting room...I cried

The nurse gave me a hug and told me how sad she was for me...I cried

My OB walked into the room...I cried

I cried through the whole appointment. 

I cried through the whole appointment, but I made it, tears and all.

I cannot say enough good things about my OB, it was comforting to see her again. 

In the weeks prior to Addy's birth, Nate and I had very hard conversations with her. She walked us through so many situations to help us make the most educated decisions given our situation. She helped us carefully make a birth plan and although she wasn't there for the delivery, we knew our desires. There were no impulsive decisions. We knew the plan and the delivering OB knew our plan because we had spent weeks talking through everything with our OB. 

 

While we wish the prognosis would have been different for our Addy,

 we are so grateful that we are without regrets regarding all the decisions we had to make. 

Today is Tuesday.

Another week has passed. 

My Addy would be 6 weeks old today. 

 To the moon and back my precious Addalyn. 

Nights are so hard...

My Addy would be 5 weeks old today.

 

Will there come a time when a Tuesday passes without me waking up thinking about how many weeks have lapsed since I saw Addy's face, since I kissed her precious little lips, or since I held her tight and told her that I love her? 

Will my heart heal without ever being whole again?

I lay in bed at night and feel a burn in my chest.

My Addy was a night owl and when I was pregnant, Nate would wrap his arms around me and hold tight to my tummy. When he would feel her wiggle, he would ask if I could feel her too. I felt her every move. 

Now I lay in bed at night...after having tried to wear myself out throughout the day...and instead of feeling Addy, I feel a burn in my chest. 

It's the ache of my broken heart.

Due Date:

...April 18, 2013...

Today is Addalyn Lane's official due date.

I didn't anticipate that Addy would be born today. 

Even without her prognosis, the likelihood that she would be born on her exact due date is pretty rare. Nonetheless, it is a date that is engrained within me. I have had today circled on my calendar since August with "40 Weeks!" written in.

Anticipating that today would be a difficult day, we opted to celebrate.

To the moon and back my precious Addy.

Making It...

Today marks 4 weeks from the day we met and lost our precious Addalyn.
It does not seem possible that 4 weeks have passed. When I close my eyes, I am right back in the hospital bed holding my precious Addy and taking in her sweet smell. 
I miss her so dearly.

Together, we are making it. 
Nate took two weeks off before returning to work but I am still on "maternity leave." I am not sure how long I will stay home, my focus is on one day at a time. My calendar for the most part is empty. During my pregnancy, my calendar was almost overwhelming with the all the doctors appointments and ultrasounds, rarely did we have a week without an appointment. But there are no more appointments, no more plans to be made, or discussions to be had.  I am trying to hold it all together, to reintegrate back into life, and to try to figure out my new normal.  It was just me for 27 years, for 8 months I was a pregnant momma, for 1 day I was physically a momma, and for the past four weeks and will forever more be a grieving momma. 

....

 Together we attended a session with a grief counselor and on Saturday we went to a support group at Alexandra's House. How did I get to a point in my life that I needed to attend a support group? It is comforting to meet families who are walking this road with us, to hear their stories, and to be reminded that we are not alone in our grief. I want so desperately to go to these meetings and for them to wave their magic wand and take away the pain, the hurt, and the longing. Time, that is what they always say...time heals all wounds.

.....

Today, I would have been 39 weeks and 5 days pregnant. Oh how I miss being pregnant. Sure there were the backaches, the heartburn, the need to pee every few minutes, the swollen feet, and the hot flashes but when you are pregnant with an unknown outcome and may never be pregnant again, I found that I had a whole new appreciation for those discomforts. There was life within me and while Addy was in my womb, she was safe. I miss my baby belly, feeling the little wiggles, and the kicks in my right rib. Thankfully, my post pregnancy body is physically beginning to return to it's normal state.

.....

As time passes, we desire for our daughter to be remembered. We want to talk about our pregnancy, our labor, and our precious Addalyn. I know people are afraid to ask out of fear that it will make us sad or because they simply have no idea what to say (truly, we have no idea what to say to ourselves) but it also makes me sad when the topic is avoided. Sure you will have to embrace the tears but I want to share her story, to talk about her, and to remember.

Is...

Everyone has a story. 

Some are stories of trials, some of triumph.  

4 years ago while shadowing a nurse, he told me his heartbreaking story. 

It is a story I have never forgotten. 

He told me how he and his wife had unexpectedly lost their daughter during her delivery. I was so touched to hear him share.

 I remember asking, "was she your first born?" 

Without hesitation he responded, "she is my first born." 

I never forgot his words. 
Oh, how they resonate with me now.

 Addy is my firstborn child.

Triggers

Nate and I met with a grief counselor for the first time on Monday night. She reassured us that all of the thoughts and feelings that we are experiencing are normal. I don't feel like anything is normal right now but it was comforting to hear. She also talked to us about how we are going to have to begin to prepare for our "triggers." She explained that certain places/smells/conversations/sights would trigger feelings for us and we need to begin to prepare for those situations so that we can have a plan of how we will react.  I nodded as she explained the triggers but didn't really know what she was talking about until I went to the dentist yesterday. 

It was my six month cleaning and I didn't think a thing about going until I was sitting in the waiting room. It dawned on me that I didn't have x-rays the last time I was there because I was pregnant. Suddenly, I remembered when I walked out of my appointment in September the hygienist said, "you will be looking quite a bit different the next time I see you." I began to panic as I realized the hygienist was going to ask about my pregnancy. My palms started to sweat and my heart began to race and I tried to figure out how I was not going to burst into tears. The hygienist called my name and I walked into the exam room while she read over my chart. The first thing she said..."looks like last time we didn't take x-rays because you were pregnant, how far along..." She looked at me and stopped. Clearly I am not almost 39 weeks pregnant like she was anticipating. Tears welled up in my eyes. "Miscarriage?" she asked. I bawled as I explained that Addy was born three weeks ago but that she passed away. She offered me a kleenex while apologizing for making me cry. 

I didn't anticipate that going to the dentist would result in a meltdown. 

Triggers...guess I am going to have to work on those.

Grateful

My heart is broken and my spirit is weary but amidst my mourning, 
 I will be forever grateful...

...for my husband who was so engaged and dedicated to our pregnancy and our daughter. I can count on one hand the number of appointments that he missed and that is impressive since we probably had close to 30 appointments. Together, we tried to make the most of our pregnancy, vowed to ensure our daughter felt loved, had awkward and difficult conversations to make sure all plans were in place, and made decisions regardless of the effect that it would have on us to do what was best for our daughter. He rubbed my belly, loved to feel his daughter wiggle, held me tight when the weight of the world was too much, held my hand as his daughter made her entrance and exit from this world, and embraces my tears as together we mourn. One of my favorite memories from the day Addalyn was born was looking over and seeing Nate comfortably holding his daughter with tears running down his cheeks as he read to her one of our most favorite books. It was a real moment and it was so very precious. He is an amazing daddy.

...that we got to meet our daughter. There were so many unknowns throughout our journey. The risk of miscarriage was high and we were presented with the option of termination so many times but we got to meet our precious Addy. While her time with us was short, she opened her eyes and saw us, held tight to Nate's finger, and Nate put his hand over her little heart just so he could feel it beating. Her time with us was so peaceful and regardless of how difficult our journey was, I would do it all over for that precious time with our very precious daughter. 

...that our night nurse was so engaged during our labor. It was the little things that she did that truly touched me. She brought more chairs into the room for our family, advocated for my comfort, held my hand when I got overwhelmed, stayed past her shift to meet Addalyn, brought in a water basin so that we could bathe her, and then prior to leaving she came into our room to tell us how special Addalyn was and offer her condolences. She acknowledged our loss but also acknowledged Addy's life. What an impact she had.

...that both our families were with us at the hospital. It was so important to us that they were there not only so that they could meet Addy but so that Addy could meet them. I know it was difficult to be present but they were, tried and true. There were very few words said but the love in the room was palpable and I don't think there was a dry eye. It too was a real moment. They may never understand the depth of how touched Nate and I were that they came to meet Addy and to support us during our most difficult time. 

...that we have hundreds of pictures of Addalyn. Between the photos taken by the infant loss nurse and the photographer from Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep, we have so many moments of Addy's time with us captured. I can't tell you how many times I have looked through the pictures to relive that day. 

...that when this grieving momma went to her mom and dad's house for Easter this past Sunday, there proudly displayed next to my nieces picture was a beautiful picture of Addalyn. Addy's Nana loves her so deeply that she wasted no time hanging her picture. All who visit my parent's house will see Addalyn's precious face, will be reminded of her life, and will honor her memory...that does a heartbroken momma's heart good.

If I Could Turn Back Time...

2 weeks ago...

 

 
I think there is a misconception that if you know death is imminent that it will be easier to face. I can only speak for my situation, but this simply is not true. Knowing that our daughter's life expectancy was limited didn't make saying goodbye to her any easier. It has been harder than I could have ever planned for. Nothing could have ever prepared my heart to the full extent for what I would face. The pain, sadness, heartache, emptiness, and devastation are real. My emotions waver and when I least expect it, I find myself in tears. My body feels foreign and my post-pregnancy hormones are in full force.

I keep telling Nate that I just want to feel normal but truth be told, I have no idea what "normal" is for me anymore. My life will never be the same. 

Thank You

Nate and I cannot say thank you enough for all the love and support that we have been given throughout our pregnancy. The texts, calls, emails, cards, flowers, care packages, and donations on behalf of Addalyn to Alexandra's House (some coming from complete strangers who have just happened to stumble across this blog) have truly touched us. 

We miss our daughter so much and to know that there are so many people praying for us, thinking of us, remembering us, and honoring our precious Addalyn's life is simply amazing. 

Thank you so very much! 

Addalyn's Birth Story

When we met with our OB at 32 weeks, we discussed scheduling an induction date. It was impossible to pick a date, as it made us feel like we had a countdown until reality would hit us. Our doctor felt it was best to not go past 37 weeks and Nate and I agreed that we didn't want to be induced before 36. Our OB is amazing and she supported every decision that we made. She never substituted her medical knowledge for our parental instincts so the plan was to meet with our OB on March 21st for my 36 week appointment and she would tell us exactly what date we would come in to be induced based on my cervix. Our tentative induction date was Monday, March 25th. 

Such as most things in our pregnancy, plans changed as Addalyn decided she wanted to make her entrance into the world a week early.

My mom and Audrey stayed the night at our house on Sunday March 17th. They had an early flight on Monday morning to fly to Salt Lake City to join Emily in the second leg of her drive home from San Francisco. I got up at 4:30am to take them to the airport and when I went to the bathroom, I noticed that I had a little bleeding. I felt fine - no cramping or discomfort. I asked my mom, who has given birth to 7 kids, and she said that light bleeding is common when the cervix begins to dilate. I didn't think much of it so we headed out to get them to the airport to catch their 6:15am flight. 

As I pulled back into my garage and got out of my car, a gush of fluid ran down my leg. I found Nate and I started bawling. I told him that I thought my water broke and that we needed to call the doctor. He remained calm but he was confused as we had been told all along that I would not know if my water broke because Addy's kidneys were essentially non functioning leaving me without amniotic fluid. I put a load of Addy's blankets in the washing machine (it was the last thing on my to do list for the week), packed our hospital bags, packed Addy's bag (we picked out a special outfit, hat, and socks for her to wear, and also packed special baby soap and lotion for her) and I took a shower. I was hoping that this was a false alarm but as I continued to run around our house trying to get everything together, fluid continued to run out of me. 

I put my scrubs on to prepare to go to work and Nate put his work clothes on too…we were hoping it was a false alarm and we could head to work. At 6:59am, I paged the on call doctor. The OB returned my call about 40 minutes later. I tried to talk to her but I just kept crying. I first explained that I knew my OB was out of town this week (she had told us that she would be on vacation for a few days and it just so happened that she would be out until Thursday) and I explained that my mom and two of my sisters were somewhere between KC and Salt Lake City. As I continued to cry, I explained the blood and the continual fluid and she explained that it sounded like my water broke. I explained that was not possible because I didn’t have amniotic fluid but she instructed us to come in to labor and delivery to be checked. I was overwhelmed and scared. This could not be happening, not without my doctor, my mom, or two of my sisters. Nate held my hand and we sat in silence as we drove to the hospital.

We got to the hospital around 8:30 and we were greeted by a nurse. She asked for us to explain our story and again, I bawled. Nate had to do the talking. The OB checked my cervix, 1 cm dilated and 20% effaced. The first test to see if my water broke was inconclusive. The second test was instantly positive and we were being admitted. Again, I cried. The OB apologized that my OB could not be there and she also explained that they didn’t have my records yet because they were still at the doctor’s office so they were waiting for them to be faxed. Thankfully I had packed a copy of our birth plan that we spent so long carefully planning and I gave it to the nurse.  How could this be happening…no mom, no OB, and no records.

The nurse gave Nate and I a few minutes to ourselves before she took us to the labor and delivery department. He held my hand and told me how much he loved me. We both cried. 

I tried to get a hold of my mom but she was en route to Denver so I kept getting her voicemail. I called Emily and she said she would try to get ahold of mom during their layover. I texted my siblings and called my boss. Sweet baby Addy had a plan of her own and she was ready for us to meet her. We tried to focus on the joy of finally getting to meet our daughter but everything felt so out of control and we thought we would have one more week of being pregnant.

Once we got to our room, the nurse completed all the admission paperwork, started my IV, got some labs, and at 11:40am placed the cervidil. It had been a whirlwind of a morning, we just wanted to go home and come back next week. We just were not ready for what was to come. The nurse explained that the plan was to remove the cervidil after 12 hours, reexamine my cervix, then start Pitocin. Luckly, my mom got a return flight from Denver so she made it back to KC around 1. She left Audrey in Denver and Emily was going to drive to Denver to pick her up and together they would make the rest of the journey home. My dad picked my mom up at the airport and they along with Nate's dad met us at the hospital.

At 1:30, I felt another gush of fluid and when I looked down, the cervidil had come out with the gush of fluids. I put my call light on and the nurse said she needed to call the doctor. She said I could get up to go to the bathroom and to eat. Our dads had picked up Cheesecake Factory. I had potstickers, orange chicken, and a slice of cheesecake. I ate like it was the last meal that I might ever be able to eat and it was delicious.

At 3:30pm the nurse started Pitocin and our families began to visit us.  We were so grateful that both our parents, all our siblings and siblings-in-law, and my grandparents were able to make it to the hospital. Around 8pm, the contractions started to pickup. They were now about 3 minutes apart and more painful on the left side. I told Nate it was so unfair to have to experience labor only to know that our baby would not survive. He cuddled with me and reassured me that I was doing a good job. My night nurse could tell that I was getting more uncomfortable. She was a pretty amazing nurse and I am so grateful for her.  She called the OB in and he checked my cervix,  2cm dilated and 80% effaced.  An entire afternoon of laboring and I was only 2 cm dilated. I was physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. The nurse convinced me to get an epidural, she was worried that if I wasn’t able to sleep that the fatigue would set during my time with Addy and she didn’t want me to miss those moments. I got an epidural at 10pm. Our families came back by to say goodnight and we promised to keep them updated on the labor through the night. Nate and I read Addy all the books that we had packed like we have done throughout our pregnancy. Then Nate made his bed in the recliner instead of on the convertible couch so that he could be next to me. He rubbed my head as we feel asleep around midnight. He is the best hubby.

At 3am, the OB rechecked me and I was 3 cm dilated and 100 % effaced.  I tried to go back to sleep but I could tell my contractions were picking up and I could feel them on my left side. I called the nurse in and I repositioned to my left side to see if that helped. It didn’t, I could still feel them. She called anesthesia and he tried to reposition the epidural catheter but still I could feel everything on the left. My nurse was such a good advocate for me, I think she could tell how overwhelmed and scared I was and she did everything possible to help ease my anxiety.  At 5am, anesthesia placed a second epidural and I slept.

At 7:15am, the night nurse brought the day nurse in to meet me. I didn't want to see my night nurse go, she was just so good in our unique situation.  I repositioned from laying on my left side to sitting up in bed. As I repositioned, I felt pressure. I said that out loud and the day nurse looked at me like I had said something crazy. She said she needed to check me. She did and she said I was fully dilated and that she could feel Addy's head. I bawled, I was not ready. The night nurse stayed, stood right by my side, and held my hand while Nate brought me my toothbrush and a washcloth to wash my face. I called my mom to alert the family and Nate called the photographer from Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep. Nate went into the bathroom to brush his teeth and put in his contacts. When he came out my legs were in the stirrups, a light had dropped from the ceiling, and the OB was sitting at the end of my bed. He had a look of pure shock on his face. Everything happened so fast.

7:30am I began pushing with Nate holding tight to my right hand and the night nurse standing at my left side. The infant loss L&D RN grabbed my camera and took lots of pictures for us (I am so grateful that she thought to do this, she captured moments that we will never get back). Nate and I both cried. He held my hand and with his other hand he stroked my head. He was so comforting. 

After 4 pushes, Addalyn Lane Voigt was born at 7:49am. 

The doctor laid her on my belly and a love that I have never experienced came over me. 

Nate and I spent time alone with Addy soaking in the preciousness of our daughter. 

We held her, kissed her, bathed her, and told her how much we will always and forever love her.

She never cried but she looked at peace, an answer to this momma's prayer.

At 9:30am we were joined by Addalyn’s nanas, papas, great grandparents, all her aunts and uncles, and one of her cousins. They took turns holding her, loving her, and admiring how precious she was. Nate's brother Jim said a prayer of dedication. 

There were lots of tears but we were so grateful that our family was able to meet Addy. 
She was surrounded by so many that love her so dearly. 

After our families left, Nate and I spent the afternoon with Addalyn. We held her, told her things we wanted her to know, and Nate even read Frog and Toad to her. 

We wish so much that we could do it all over again. Not to change anything, but because we long to be able to hold our daughter again, to kiss her precious little lips, and to tell her how much she is loved. 

Addalyn, until we meet again may you always and forever know how loved you are. 

We miss you so very much our sweet precious baby girl. 

Meet Our Daughter...

Addalyn Lane Voigt

 

Born Tuesday – March 19, 2013 at 7:49 a.m. 

She went to be with Jesus shortly after her birth.

Addy weighed 5 pounds, 6 ounces and was 18 inches long.

She had a full head of hair, her momma’s chin, chubby cheeks, the most precious nose and lips, and the softest skin. She was simply beautiful.

In her short life, Addalyn was surrounded by her great-grandparents, 
nanas, papas, all her aunts and uncles, and a cousin. 

She knew nothing but love, comfort, and peace.

 

Meeting our daughter created in our hearts a love 

that we have never experienced nor that can ever be replaced.

 

 Thank you to our family and friends who have continued to shower us with love and support during this most difficult time.


Should you desire to do something to honor Addy's memory, donations can be made to Alexandra's House.

The Zoo

Nate loves to read Addy a book called "Zoo Babies" and after reading it one night, we decided that little Addalyn needed to experience the zoo. Unfortunately the 70 degree weather of yesterday did not stick around today but that did not deter us. We spent the afternoon at the zoo and thanks to my hubby, we had the Lion King soundtrack to get us in the animal mood on the way there!