Nate and I met with a grief counselor for the first time on Monday night. She reassured us that all of the thoughts and feelings that we are experiencing are normal. I don't feel like anything is normal right now but it was comforting to hear. She also talked to us about how we are going to have to begin to prepare for our "triggers." She explained that certain places/smells/conversations/sights would trigger feelings for us and we need to begin to prepare for those situations so that we can have a plan of how we will react. I nodded as she explained the triggers but didn't really know what she was talking about until I went to the dentist yesterday.
It was my six month cleaning and I didn't think a thing about going until I was sitting in the waiting room. It dawned on me that I didn't have x-rays the last time I was there because I was pregnant. Suddenly, I remembered when I walked out of my appointment in September the hygienist said, "you will be looking quite a bit different the next time I see you." I began to panic as I realized the hygienist was going to ask about my pregnancy. My palms started to sweat and my heart began to race and I tried to figure out how I was not going to burst into tears. The hygienist called my name and I walked into the exam room while she read over my chart. The first thing she said..."looks like last time we didn't take x-rays because you were pregnant, how far along..." She looked at me and stopped. Clearly I am not almost 39 weeks pregnant like she was anticipating. Tears welled up in my eyes. "Miscarriage?" she asked. I bawled as I explained that Addy was born three weeks ago but that she passed away. She offered me a kleenex while apologizing for making me cry.
It was my six month cleaning and I didn't think a thing about going until I was sitting in the waiting room. It dawned on me that I didn't have x-rays the last time I was there because I was pregnant. Suddenly, I remembered when I walked out of my appointment in September the hygienist said, "you will be looking quite a bit different the next time I see you." I began to panic as I realized the hygienist was going to ask about my pregnancy. My palms started to sweat and my heart began to race and I tried to figure out how I was not going to burst into tears. The hygienist called my name and I walked into the exam room while she read over my chart. The first thing she said..."looks like last time we didn't take x-rays because you were pregnant, how far along..." She looked at me and stopped. Clearly I am not almost 39 weeks pregnant like she was anticipating. Tears welled up in my eyes. "Miscarriage?" she asked. I bawled as I explained that Addy was born three weeks ago but that she passed away. She offered me a kleenex while apologizing for making me cry.
I didn't anticipate that going to the dentist would result in a meltdown.
Triggers...guess I am going to have to work on those.
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