I did something that I told myself I would never do.
In a moment of panic, I denied my daughter's existence.
I was at work and caught up in a conversation with a family.
When I was asked if I had any children, in an instant a word came out of my mouth.
I responded, "um, um, no."
Visions of my Addalyn flooded my head as a weight dropped on my chest.
Instant guilt and pain set in. I didn't mean to deny her.
I know she was, she is, and she will forever be my daughter.
When asked, I do not respond "yes" because of the questions that follow.
Boy or girl? What is her name? How old is she?
Those questions sting.
My usual response is, "I do not have any living children."
I have never been asked in response, "well how many deceased children do you have?"
It is a direct answer that does not need any explanation nor does it deny her life.
I was caught off guard, panicked, and instantly regretted my response.
I have one child and I am her very proud momma.
To the moon and back.
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