Sookie Jane

When we found out at 12 weeks that Baby V had a cystic hygroma, we were presented with the option of termination. Never would I have imagined that I would ponder termination but I would be lying to say that it didn't cross my mind. We knew that a miscarriage was possible but we wanted to give Baby V a fighting chance...and a fight she has given.

At 18 weeks, the cystic hygroma had resolved and things were looking good. If you have been keeping up with her progress, you know that at 24 weeks, things took a turn in the wrong direction. After many challenging conversations, the hubs and I agreed that we wanted to do what was best for our daughter. She is wanted and she is loved. Hearing the fetal health team talk about all the anomalies and her prognosis, we struggled (and so did they) to think that all the medical interventions are what is best for her. It is so conflicting for your head to tell you one thing but for your heart to tell you something completely different. How do you prepare to welcome your baby into the world knowing that soon after you will be saying goodbye? 

It is to difficult to ponder the unknown and we would never judge anyone for the choice that they make. Trust me, there is no guide for this.  If we could do everything under the sun and know that Baby V would have a quality life, we would. Any expecting momma and daddy would.  We didn't want to play God at 12 weeks and terminate but we also don't want to put her through a mounting list of needed medical interventions believing in our hearts that it won't provide a quality life for her. In the arms of Jesus, Baby V won't struggle...she will be at peace...something we can't provide her here on this Earth.

She is wanted and she is loved.

This momma's heart weeps at the thought of what is to come. 

I have no idea how to begin to navigate the world of palliative care.

I know that I am nowhere near ready to face what is to come, how could you ever be. 

I love my baby girl so very much.