Today, the hubs and I met with the palliative care doctor at Saint Luke's as well as the fetal health coordinator to discuss the day when we meet Addalyn. While I find myself fighting back tears during almost any appointment, the unknown is terrifying to me so anything we can do to help alleviate some of the anxiety is helpful. This meeting allowed us to ask questions about things that can be done to help ensure that Addy is comfortable after she is born and to discuss our wishes in terms of aftercare. Strange conversations I tell you but necessary so that our wishes are known in advance which we hope will allow us to savor our time with Addy.
As I was driving home from the appointment today, I found myself hoping for a sense of peace and for time so I am asking for prayers for those very things...
Through our journey, we have been faced with challenging and difficult decisions at every turn. I would never have imagined there would be so many things to plan. When we try to have conversations regarding our desires, we both end up in tears. What we want is to be able to welcome a healthy baby girl into the world and sadly, that is just not a reality for us. As Nate and I struggle to make all the difficult decisions, I pray for wisdom, guidance, and a sense of peace.
.........
As I was driving home from the appointment today, I found myself hoping for a sense of peace and for time so I am asking for prayers for those very things...
Through our journey, we have been faced with challenging and difficult decisions at every turn. I would never have imagined there would be so many things to plan. When we try to have conversations regarding our desires, we both end up in tears. What we want is to be able to welcome a healthy baby girl into the world and sadly, that is just not a reality for us. As Nate and I struggle to make all the difficult decisions, I pray for wisdom, guidance, and a sense of peace.
.........
We know that precious Addalyn's life is limited and we have heard estimates that she may live between 1-2 hours. Such is life though that nothing is guaranteed, but this momma desires more time. We have to fit a lifetime of love, hugs, snuggles, and kisses in before we have to wait our lifetime to see Addalyn again. It is my prayer that we will have time with Addy. No amount will ever be enough that I will be ready to say goodbye but I pray for time with my precious baby girl.
Aly,
ReplyDeleteI wish I was there to just give you a big hug!
I know a couple who just lost their newborn who was born with health problems(but they were given 6 weeks with her). I told the mother one night that above all else I prayed for peace. So, that is my continued prayer for you. That, while we do not understand it on earth, God will place that peace that passes all understanding over your and Nate's hearts. I also will pray that you will be given time to hold those little fingers and kiss those precious toes.
I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. You are courageous and brave.
ReplyDeleteWith many loves,
Sarah Burnham
you know...
ReplyDeleteyou are so amazing... I look at your new picture and smile, because even through ALL of this you have a sense of humor. What a cute, funny picture with that "old" camera! And you look absolutely adorable. (I know you will treasure all of your pregnancy pictures) You are wise beyond your years, and are even giving life lessons to "old" Moms like me... We have faced some challenges and heartbreak this year... being a mommy and daddy is not always what you think it is going to be... just know that you are a true inspiration to everyone who knows you guys. Your faith shines! Your daughter IS loved... there is no way she doesn't feel that love.
In my prayers...
Kelly Starr
Aly,
ReplyDeleteThank you for so bravely sharing your story with us. I've seen you love my kids and so I can only imagine how deeply you love your baby girl. She is sooo loved! My prayers and thoughts and hugs and tears are with you.
Love,
Renee
Praying for you and Nate that God will give you the time to connect, love, cuddle, and let go of Addy. You will be amazed by her beauty. When our son, KC, was born with a cleft lip/palate our focus was immediately drawn away from his his cleft and to his bright eyes.
ReplyDeleteYou will see beauty in Addy that you will carry with you the rest of your life. Though her time may be short. The seeds of love that she plants in your heart will live on through you.